and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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