I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
