someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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