I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
