I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
