Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
