I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
