my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
