Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
