Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
