There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
