Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
