And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
