She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
