You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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