i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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