My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
only you would photoshop your dick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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