best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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