i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize