people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
