woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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