I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize