so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
