Quick, to the slutcave!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My vagina is officially offended.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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