I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
