I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
