i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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