I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
