I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
