At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
