It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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