This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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