I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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