My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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