1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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