i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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