I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize