McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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