i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
