Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
