He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
