My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
