my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
