Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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