Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
