How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
