Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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