she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
