I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
