can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
