Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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