well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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