the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
