i think my tv is drunk
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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