We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
