I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That's intense
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
