Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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