I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
