he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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