I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
