just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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