so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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