oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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