Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
