We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize