Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
