We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We are all done wearing pants today
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
