i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
