why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
