Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
