I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
