I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
