it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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