My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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