Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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