what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
